Having spent much of the past month and a half relocating , I have found myself confronted with so much excess that has accumulated since baby Thomas passed away. I now realize that my hoarding/collecting has inhibited my growth and ability to move on in a healthy way. However, maybe it was that i was not ready to 'part' with another thing - so perhaps it was the healthiest way to do things : FOR ME!!!
I guess that untimely cultural expectations of 'get over it', ' move on' all come into how well we mum's of small infants who have died cope. Most of that type of banter we have little to no control of at the time , well meaning people just unfortunately open their mouths instead of their ears and hearts. I guess I have learned so much from the experiences of life, it has not all been easy , but at the same time it has not all been bad either. I have begun to not hold onto reminders of our sweet little boy and the things we had hoped for him, his bath tub, his bike seat, his bath ring and the endless list...instead i am trying to cling to the belief that one day in the heavens I will be re-united with my 'too fragile to hug' little one's and will greet them with open arms.
So with Thanksgiving on the horizon in just 4 weeks time, I am planning to begin a 'new' family tradition of celebrating and giving thanks for family and friends with a special dinner. Part of my preparation is to get rid of that which has been accumulated over time and make room for new things and people in my life.